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Hard To Look At

by Cammy Enaharo

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1.
Back Row 04:15
There seems to be more than just one listening isn't it strange how they let you in time after time a reckless storm drowns you out isn't it strange how you fall back in but wait, spring does have a way of showing change I believe that somethings got to give hiding is not the way you want to live oh we never stood a chance in the back row we couldn't even see, we didn't even know one step could lift some weight off our shoulders add muscle to the bone this pain doesn't have to grow you hit a wall then brought your books to the park isn't it strange how you let them in there every day, a perfect patch in the shade isn't it strange how you blend right in today there is something that you need to say many years of standing in a pit kept you from the life you wanna live Oh we never stood a chance in the back row we couldn't even see, we didn't even know one step could lift some weight off our shoulders gain muscle to the bone, this pain doesn't have to grow
2.
In a half an hour i'll try to prove myself to you prepping in the shower to sweat through an interview maybe I'm grown maybe i'm good maybe you wish I wouldn't bother maybe I'm great and qualified maybe I'll end up like my father no don't go in this state of mind I wait a little longer next to a mark on the floor and lean into a cushion until you open the door maybe i'm grown maybe i'm good maybe you wish I wouldn't bother maybe i'm great and qualified maybe i'll end up like my father no don't go in this state of mind oh I know the reason will vary why I am not quite like the cherry you pick I collect the pits
3.
Grow Inside 02:19
Looking at whats left do you even understand why you ran so fast how it fell right through your hands forcing it down then acting out maybe you'll change your life to like the things that grow inside almost had a fresh start are you gonna fall apart or make believe you're still there with the clothes you used to wear forcing it down then acting out maybe you'll change your mind to like the things that grow inside on and on you wait for some kind of update you're not gonna lay here now you know it helps to paint and if you have to stay here make the most out of the day forcing it down, messing around maybe you'll change your life to like the things that grow inside
4.
No Good Day 02:55
I've been hurting holding back every muscle turned to stone bought your lotions tried your creams spent my money on a pair of jeans starting to lose myself how do you love yourself now starting to lose myself how do you ask for help now on this no good day I was ready to go off now i sit here on the floor wont you tell me that I'm fine say the new me is so much better starting to lose myself how do you love yourself now starting to lose myself how do you ask for help now I spent the morning dreaming and night to pull apart an overwhelming feeling not knowing what I want I'll work it out tomorrow and even make the bed for now the days stuck here instead
5.
Star light wishing every night most don't really understand what you have to say I don't know anyone like you, you don't know anyone like me no you don't like it here on earth, oh you're such a punk maybe you get along with me because you're a punk but you would be much happier as a speck of dust yeah you can only be yourself if you're not one of us this don't make me wanna leave you open me up to change in the best of ways I think I understand you, I know I love you even more No you don't like it here on earth, oh you're such a punk and my Mum thinks the best of you, oh you're sucha punk yeah you would be much happier as a speck of dust but everything you ever do is something I can trust I hope you stick around, I need you now
6.
Why is it hard, so hard to see that we disagree you find it hard, hard to believe that I cannot speak Yes I know some people believe anything you tell them why is it hard, so hard to see that being your baby means pushing myself to the ground when you call, swear to God Maybe I'm wrong for pushing you out we're both older now I think the guilt won't leave you alone and losing your baby is pulling you down to the ground when you call swear to God No I don't have an answer I'm thinking about it No I don't have an answer for you I'm thinking about it
7.
Every day I think of you wondering what you're listening to we're stepping over every crack like I'm going back don't pull away you're giving it some time and space don't let it fade you're giving it some time and space don't fall away we're giving it some time and space never again ignore your heart it can be taken anytime I do not recognize myself am I ever going back? Yeah it's hard to look at don't you want to understand I know it's hard to look at but I love everything we made with our own hands don't pull away you're giving it some time and space don't let it fade you're giving it some time and space don't fall away we're giving it some time and space Yeah it's hard to look at don't you want to understand I know it's hard to look at but I love everything we made with our own hands
8.
Real Love 02:29
In the moment it feels like forever deep in a pit that you cannot describe digging for pictures you want to remember still no apology, time passes by but you wait for it and disappoint yourself yeah you wait for it for a broken shell feeling abandoned will boil and bubble this is the year that you learn how to drive build a career and safe distance from trouble still no apology, time passes by but you wait for it and disappoint yourself yeah you wait for it for a broken shell you wait for it don't wait on them you know they don't deserve you you deserve real love

credits

released February 25, 2022

Written - Cammy Enaharo (vocal, baritone uke, keys, omnichord)
Produced Mixed Engineered - Noah Almekinder
Acoustic Guitar - Jared Tinkham, Beefus D'Aurelio
Drums - Gary Lamaar, Kiel Feher
Bass - Ryder Eaton, Noah Almekinder
Strings- Katie Knudsvig, Willa Finck
Electric Guitar - Sean Donnelly
Mastered - Justin Perkins Mystery Room Mastering

cover art by cammy enaharo :)

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Cammy Enaharo Rochester, New York

Cammy Enaharo is a singer-songwriter from Rochester, NY whose songs move through self doubt and daily reflection to reveal her hopeful spirit. She paints, creates displays with flowers she’s preserved, and records music in various styles including indie-folk and pop. ... more

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